Grocery Lore
by Hermonthis
Summary: Gift-fic - The adventures of Noin and her shopping cart. Parody!


Finally! After sending this belated gift-fic to **casper san**, I'm happy that it made her laugh!

* * *

**Grocery Lore**

Lucrezia Noin hurried into the store, legs wobbling and bangs flying into her face. It was Saturday and as usual, her favourite market was packed full of people who also heard about their spontaneous weekend sale. Besides, there was a three for one special on canned foods and up to twenty-five percent off in the meat department. No way was she going to miss this event.

Jamming a quarter into the shopping cart she shovelled her way through the crowds in the parking lot. One woman with a toddler took a glance at her belly and hastily shuffled her child behind her legs. The motion-sensor door parted like the gates to grocery heaven and Noin dug her sandaled heels into the cement.

"Hey!"

That damned blonde woman, she budged right in front of her without apologizing. Instead, the woman glanced backwards and blew a raspberry. A vein popped in her neck and despite her swollen ankles, decided to give the bitch something to talk about.

They raced across the mall to _Caper's._

Dang, if only she wasn't eight months pregnant she could have caught her in time and shoved her into one of the mall's island benches, sending her purse straight into the potted plants.

In aisle three where chips and salsa could be found, Noin found some very appetizing citrus-lime flavoured nachos that would go well with her three-cheese sauce back at home. Standing on her tiptoes to reach the shelves, another hand snatched the particular bag she wanted.

"Sorry, me first." She replied with a criminal grin and sped away on her cart before Noin could chuck the romaine lettuce at her.

Noin got twelve cans of red kidney beans whereas her rival only for six.

They both received rain checks on the ground beef for a previous customer had just bought the remaining stock. But don't worry, they can come back tomorrow and for sure it'll be there.

She heard the other woman grumble about how she needed the ground beef now for the large dinner she was having that evening. Noin couldn't help but grin and made sure that the other woman saw it too.

They both reached the cashier at the same time but with a long line-up of seven people behind them, Noin was allowed to take her groceries with her and proceeded with the process of reaching down into the cart and placing them on the mechanical belt. After lifting the six-pack of pop on the belt, she massaged her back.

Gah, if only she wasn't so damned big around the belly.

As the cashier was staring uncertainly at her and how she was going to get a bag of rice onto the belt, the other woman with the twin blonde braids lifted it out of her cart and onto the black rubber. With a slack jaw Noin watched as her rival emptied her groceries, thinking that she had been wrong about her but then the woman proceeded with her own groceries and to the horror of the cashier, placed them right beside each other without one of those sticks.

"Back off, bitch!" Noin's high-strained voice made the cashiers in the other line-ups wince. "I can do this on my own!"

And the blonde woman flicked back her hair from her shoulders and retorted,

"You first, bag."

Crinkling her nose to match her frown, Noin inhaled sharply through her nose and said, "Sally, you're so damned irritating!"

And Sally Po laughed.

The cashier, whose face was pale as a sheet of paper, broke the little scene with a nervous cough and looked towards the pregnant woman for an explanation.

"Err, I know her. We're best friends."

The look on the girl's face was worth all the Heero blackmail in the world. Laughing in relief, Noin's groceries were all neatly packed away in large paper bags as she handed over her credit card.

"Hey ladies, could you hurry it up?" Another female voice remarked from behind Sally. The two women whipped their heads back to lash out their tongues before eyeing a cart full of the same ground beef advertised in the flyers that the meat department had so generously lacked.

"Yeah, that's right. I got all the meat." Relena mentioned smoothly, leaning onto the handles and smiling ever-so-nicely.

"Bitch," said Noin.

"Yep. That's means I'm the one who makes the tacos tonight."

* * *

**Notes:**  
_ Caper's_ is an actual grocery store (Canada-wise) but unlike large supermarkets, they specialize in fresh produce and organic foods. 


End file.
